Too many parents fall into the terrible trap of believing that their teens no longer need them. Since their youngsters act mortified by kisses, hugs, questions about their day, and other parental acts of love, they come to the conclusion that it's time for hands-off parenting.

Wise parents understand that it's their teenager's job to test limits and to act annoyed by loving parental involvement in their lives. Wise parents also understand that it's critical to stay heavily involved with their teens—despite all of the complaining. Many parents are distancing themselves from their teens, allowing them to run amok. Others are clamping down like full-fledged dictators. Both groups create kids who don't have a clue how to think and make safe decisions.

Hug your teens, but not in front of their friends. Do your very best to meddle in their lives so that you know where they are and who they are with. Set plenty of limits, but let them make as many decisions as possible. In this way, you'll save your relationship and their lives.

If you’re a person who wants to do well in school and stay out of trouble, don’t hang around with kids who misbehave and think making good grades is uncool. It’s just that simple. Where can you find friends who share your interests? Join a club or team that intrerests you. Kids who love acting or enjoy running track or who like to debate are usually too busy to get involved with negative things.

Look for groups that promote positive behavior. Groups like Students Against Drunk Driving, religious youth groups, peer meditation groups and volunteer organizations all use peer pressure in positive ways.

There are some situations that are almost guaranteed to lead to trouble. An invitation to a place that will have no adults present, or hanging around with a crowd that’s into shoplifting is almost sure to cause problems, and phrases like, “We won’t get into any trouble” or “Everyone is doing it” should be a tip-off that this is a situation to avoid.

Technology is very powerful. It lets you connect with friends in lots of fun ways. But not everyone uses it for the right reasons. Some people use the internet, cell phones, or other technology to try to hurt others. This is called cyber-bullying and it’s wrong.

People who are cyber-bullied may become depressed or anxious, feel physically ill, feel bad about themselves, start doing poorly in school or stop seeing friends. The effects can last for years.

People who cyber-bully others can end up getting in trouble at school and with their parents, losing people’s trust, or face legal charges. Cyberspace is not a “safe zone” for bullying. Cyber-bullies do get caught.

At school, cyber-bullying causes fear and tension among students and gets in the way of learning.

If it happens to you: Don’t reply to a harassing message. Don’t open future messages from someone who is bullying you. Save any evidence such as e-mails, chat logs, text messages. Whenever possible, print them out. Also, tell a parent, a teacher or another trusted adult what’s happening.

If a message sender threatens to harm him or herself or others, tell an adult immediately. Even if you don’t believe the sender, always take threats seriously.

Think before you type: The web is no place for a private conversation. You can never be sure you’re realy “alone” in a conversation. Don’t give out personal information and never plan to meet with somebody in person you have met online.

Jim Fay is the director of The Love and Logic Institute, an outstanding resource for parents and families. He has this tip to share with us:

Following a recent blizzard, two fathers were out trying to clear their walks and driveways. There was not a kid to be seen anywhere. I commented to a neighbor that in the past, kids would be out with their shovels helping clear the snow. After that they would be off shoveling walks to earn money. “Is that where your kids are?” I asked. “No,” he answered. “Kids today aren't that motivated.” He blames today’s kids. Little does he know that parents are the ones who train kids to believe they are honored guests in the home, rather than contributing members of a family team.

Many tasks, like snow removal or yard work, are family jobs where kids can and should become part of the team. Kids should be helping in any way that is appropriate for their age. Even small kids can help prepare drinks or snacks to serve the ones who are doing the hard work. The last thing I want to see is a kid sleeping in or playing video games while their parents do these jobs alone.

Thanks for reading,
Jim Fay

What's the biggest parenting challenge for you? If you're like many parents, it's keeping your cool when your kids are getting on your last nerve! Why is it so important to at least look calm and collected as we provide consequences for our children's misbehavior? Because...

• Anger creates resentment and rebellion.
• Empathy ups the odds of genuine remorse and responsibility.
• Anger says, "I can barely handle you!"
• Empathy communicates, "I'm such a great parent that I can handle you without breaking a sweat!"
• Anger creates kids who get sneaky and do irresponsible things behind our backs.
• Empathy creates kids who are more likely to behave even when we aren't watching them.

Give yourself permission to discipline your children without using reminders or repeated warnings. When parents get into the unhealthy habit of nagging and repeating themselves, their anger builds inside. By the time they finally follow through, they're too angry to think straight! Wiser parents set limits and follow through quickly without using too many words. Because problems are dealt with in their early stages, the parent remains calmer and their kids learn that it's not okay to repeat the same frustrating behaviors.

Another bit of information from our friend Jim Fay of Love and Logic:

Some tips for helping kids become responsible adults who succeed in the competitive workforce of tomorrow. Here are just a few examples...

Remember that struggle builds self-esteem — requiring our kids to earn some of the things they want is one of the greatest gifts we can give them.

Set limits by saying "yes" instead of "no" — saying, "Yes, you may have those sneakers if you pay for half of them" is far more effective than, "I am not buying those for you! Do you think that money grows on trees?"

Show them that arguing and manipulation don't work — experiment with calmly repeating, "I love you too much to argue" regardless of what they say. They'll be more angry in the short-term yet happier in the long-term.

Expect them to do chores without being paid — experiment with saying, "I'll be happy to ______________ when your chores are done."

Let them see you say "no" to yourself — when our kids see us resisting the urge to buy everything we want, they are far more likely to develop humility and responsibility.

Do your friends, neighbors, relatives, or coworkers have rude kids? It's amazing how many of us know others who've allowed their kids to become snotty. Of course, rudely behaved kids never live under our roofs. But, just in case you run into someone with a politeness-challenged youngster, here are some tips you can share.

Remember that it's okay to be old-fashioned.
There was a time in our country when parents expected their children to say "please" and "thank you." There was a time when they had to ask, "May I please be excused," before they left the dinner table. There was even a time when most youngsters were not allowed to interrupt conversations between adults, were expected to hold doors open for adults, and believed that adults went first.

Limit television viewing in your home.
Television has pretty much ruined our society. (How's that for blatant political incorrectness?)

Model a humble attitude.
Too frequently, kids in our society grow up around people who are far more interested in winning than serving others. Parents who model humility, respect and politeness toward others are far more likely to raise kids who do the same.

Place character over achievement.
Many kids are allowed to slide in the area of politeness because they are viewed as so incredibly gifted by their parents and other adults in their lives. Wise parents remember that the world is filled with incredibly talented people who've failed miserably because they've forgetten their manners.